Friday, January 6, 2012

No Pinterest, I will not join your hipster party.

Dear Pinterest,
So about four weeks ago--pre-finals--I chatted with my fashionable neighbor that raved about you. Before this conversation,  I thought you were just another technology one-hit wonder: a technology fad that everyone would abandon in five months time--like google+. My neighbor explained that Pinterest offered a more organized alternative to my desktop collage of clothing items, paintings, household furnishings, recipes etc. Brilliant. I was sold. I went home and signed up.

Problem. I don't know if you are aware of this, but you can't just sign up. It's not like facebook: all those who apply get in (even creepers, but then again facebook makes creepers of us all). No. You need some time to "think about it." Okay. Maybe there are too many people trying to join and it takes your staff a while to process applications. But then I began to hear stories. Yes, terrible stories. Stories of people that applied two or three times to Pinterest in the course of a year and never received an answer. Well guess what? I just received my congratulatory email from you: welcome to the club. So why did I get accepted a week after applying and other girls that applied three times were not accepted? Sounds to me like you are running a mean girls club.

There must be some criteria you are looking for. Before receiving your email, I attempted to find the logical answer. What kind of people do I know that have a Pinterest account? Answer: hipster, cool, indie, people and old, Southern Baptist women. I became paranoid: "Right now, the Pinterest hipster staff is evaluating my email, facebook, and blog to see if I am 'hipster' enough." By the time that I got your acceptance email, I was so disgusted with this fantastical evasion of my privacy that I promptly deleted it.

No Pinterest, I will not join your hipster party.

Memo for all literal readers: I'm exaggerating. (If you are a person who cannot detect irony or sarcasm, this is not the blog for you; just sayin). I'm sure you do not discriminate. But I feel good about my decision to reject your offer. A few days ago T-- described Pinterest as "covet capital." You know what I say to that? Pin that to your website wall. This definition spurred an introspective realization: even without the assistance of Pinterest, my collection of desktop photos is a symptom of my increasing superificialism. Instead of joining Pinterest, I need to get a handle on my online window shopping. There are far more important things that I can do with that time. I could read James Joyce and Badiou. I could make cookies for my neighbor, press my khakis and smile at people. I could do some yoga to relieve stress. I could watch another episode of Vampire Diaries.

So thanks for the offer Pinterest, but I'm going to have to decline your invitation. I have more pressing matters to attend to.

Respectfully yours,

Musing Elitist


  1. HAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHA! Let's do meaningful things together, please?