Monday, October 26, 2009

Losing My Dignity and Modesty

My two roommates are currently in a prank war. I suffered the following because of said "prank war".
Prank One
It’s two in the morning and I’m taking a shower when the lights go off. I blindly reach for my towel and wrap it around me as I yell out into the hallway “Cari, I think the power is off”. My roommate Cari –who just watched a horror film and subsequently seems more unnerved than normal - anxiously told me to go with her downstairs to our fuse box. Despite being my towel, I join my friend as I walk with my hands outstretched into the black. (It was a rather bold request for Cari to make considering that if there was a creepy man waiting in the dark he could easily rape). We finally find a flashlight and make our way down to the fuse box and turn off everything and turn it back on again. Nothing. We stand in the darkness. Eventually we worriedly trudge upstairs and I suggest that we look in corners and closets for a lurking sociopath. Cari’s not amused. Reaching our third floor I ask Cari to hold the flashlight as I dress - just as I’m completely in the nude all of the lights come on to reveal me in my naked glory. Here’s the rub: it’s not naked glory. I mean I’m not embarrassed that Cari saw me naked – I couldn't care less – I’m just embarrassed that she saw me in the bad naked; an unattractive naked. If she is going to see me naked I want her to literally see my best side. It’s like that Seinfeld episode when Jerry’s girlfriend does everything in the nude and he discovers the difference between good and bad naked. Bad naked equals Jerry’s girlfriend opening a pickle jar or Hillary getting dressed in the dark.

Prank Two
I come home Sunday afternoon and I’m going to the bathroom as I realize that something does not smell right. I look to the side of me and I see the shower door closed - it’s never closed. Something’s amiss. Becoming suspicious, I look underneath me and staring up at me is a dead fish the size of a serving platter. I cringe at the black-beady eyes that pierce and shatter all rational thought. I then open the shower door to reveal two dead fish swimming in bloody water. Did I scream? Of course not. Did I yell at my roommates responsible for this prank? Yes.

For someone who did not agree to this prank war, I receive the brunt of these crimes. And most of these crimes seem to target my dignity and modesty.

Saturday, October 10, 2009

Blogging Anniversary

About a week and a half ago marks my blogging anniversary - I started blogging while on my study abroad in London a year ago. So to celebrate this brilliant year of blogging, I've put together my favorite blog posts. It's the best of the best of my blogging career.
My most humorous blog is one of my first. It's an account of a rather awkward situation in which a choir boy at Christs Church flirtatiously winked at my friend while performing at Evensong.
I'm an extremely silly person - despite the fact that I'm an elitist. In this blog I hint towards this as I talk about the men in my life, who ironically are really not in my life at all. I wish they could be though.
While enrolled in a women's literature course I read the popular novel Reading Lolita in Tehran. And after living in the Middle East for four months, I subsequently had a more sensitive and skeptical reading of the novel. For this reason I wanted to reach as many people as I could augmenting the Nafisi's experience of Islam in Iran with my own wonderful relationships with the Jordanian and Palestinian people.
This blog discusses my brilliant experience of seeing Andrew Bird perform in Salt Lake. I'm in love with this man physically and musically. So I attempted to translate this love into a well written Ode to Andrew Bird.
Opinion Editorial
Forget about parking, abortion, or any other hot topic issues - if I were to submit an editorial to my campus newspaper this would be it. And by "this" I'm referring to the embarrassing toilet paper machines on campus. And for those I work with at the Writing Center, this is just a way to classify this post. This blog post would not meet the requirements of the opinion editorial for English 150 at BYU.
I'm an introverted person by nature, so I rarely talk about my feelings. It's even more rare for me to post my introspective musings on my blog. But in this case I decided to express my feelings about a stressful week of finals looming ahead and trying to cope with the idea of leaving one of my favorite places in the world: London.
Literary Review
I'm an elitist. So I adore satirically reviewing movies and novels that I find ridiculous. My favorite critique so far is the novel Pride and Prejudice and Zombies. I think the title itself just begging for my elitist judgement.
Just Because
This blog post marks the best day of my life, so obviously it is one of my best blogs. If you disagree with my logic, which is rather faulty, please ignore it and just read it.

Thursday, October 8, 2009

King Andrew Gamblin

Tonight, my little brother was selected to be Enumclaw High School's homecoming king. Five boys and five girls are chosen by the student body and then the school brings in a panel of judges. The Royalty have dinner with these judges and they hold a coronation where they read your biographies while you walk up to the stage. And while I could not fly home for my little brother, I made a contribution by writing his bio. Here it is in all of its splendid glory.

Amongst the frantic and worried doctors and nurses, Andrew Gamblin barely made it into the world on December 9th 1991. The miracle baby joined the Gamblin family as the youngest of five children. And while he proved to be the easiest baby out of his five siblings, he also was the homeliest with his bald head, big ears and wrinkled face. He also had the nasty habit of drooling uncontrollably; even for a child he possessed minimal control over his saliva. An-drool – as his family calls him – still shows signs of his condition today if you get him to laugh hard enough.
Andrew’s sweet disposition as a baby continued as he grew older. His mother refers to him as her most tender hearted child because Andrew shows empathetic kindness towards others around him. Because of his kindness he was doted on by his elder siblings, teachers and friends who thought, and still think, he is the “sweetest boy”.
Family members and friends do not only love Andrew for his sweetness, but for his unique conversation skills. Andrew acquired the nick name “Captain Random” for his off-topic comments and his ability to continue conversations even when no one is listening. One of our family’s favorite stories is how while vacationing in Hawaii, he interrupted the lunch conversation to say “Mom ask me what my favorite part of Ocean’s Eleven is.” The table curiously looked at him and his mother indulged him by asking and he quickly replied “I don’t know. Let me think about it”.
Besides his peculiar conversations, Andrew also possesses a unique athletic talent which he likes to refer to “stupid human tricks”. Andrew’s body is similar to a contortionist: he can wrap his body into awkward positions and has several double jointed body parts. He dubbed his moves names such as the “sling shot”, the “barrel roll” and the “Barbie”. Andrew’s keen sense of business and opportunity led him to perform these tricks at his brothers sporting events and charge viewers a dollar.
Andrew’s body also naturally developed more quickly than his friends. He came home one afternoon in sixth grade and told his mother with pride that he was the “only sixth grader with muscles”. Thus began Andrew’s life long love affair with his body. As a sixth grader he gloried in the fact that he had a six pack. His family still sees him looking in the mirror and flexing with satisfaction.
With such a muscular body, Andrew has found a knack for playing sports. He comes from a genetic gene pool of outstanding athletes and is the third generation of Enumclaw High school sports. In his high school career he has played football, basketball and run track. Some of his greatest friendships have been formed on summer leagues and Wolverine football. His teammates enjoy the talent he brings to his team as well as his leadership skills on and off the pitch and court.
Andrew has always been an example to his peers through his kindness towards everyone, work ethic and high standards. Andrew’s upbringing in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints has taught him to abstain from things that could be harmful to him and those around him. Through his church he has also participated in numerous service projects – culminating into hundreds of hours of service. He is even an Eagle Scout – for his Eagle Scout Project he worked with the City of Enumclaw in furnishing apartments for transitional housing.