Craigslist Nazi

During the next few days, I will be moving into a house that is unfurnished. Problem: I do not own a stitch of furniture. I'm borrowing a blow up mattress; it is that pathetic. Since I'm a poor college student, I've been scouring craigslist for the past few weeks looking for furniture. During these weeks I've realized my calling in life: the Craigslist Nazi.

Holy Couches

This idea of becoming a Craigslist Nazi began when a listing for a couch stated that it used to be in an LDS/Mormon temple. What the what. Do you seriously consider this a persuasive selling point? I don't know about you, but personally I think this tidbit is deterring. Having a "holy" couch in their living room would make me feel like I aways have to be on good behavior; I couldn't sprawl across it and watch movies because it is not pious enough.

The "Elegant" & "Classy"

I have also noticed a pattern with ads that use the words "elegant" and "classy." At first, I would see these words in the title description and click on the link eagerly only to see some of the most hideous furnishings ever constructed. Seriously, you think that is classy? This happened so consistently that I now avoid even clicking on posts with these words. My friend Becky's mother says "classy people do not use the word classy." Truer words have never been spoken. As the Cragislist Nazi, I would write emails banning them from using these words.(Also, words "decorative" and "unique" is code for run for the hills). Why can't people just be honest? How refreshing would it be to see a by-line that reads "hideous, but cheap couch"? Most college boys would take it in an instant, while girls like myself would avoid it like the plague. As Shakespeare says, "sell when you can: you are not for all markets." Figure out which market your product appeals to and then use the appropriate rhetoric to appeal to that group.

Firewood

There was one couch that the seller re-posted every few hours with the description "need to sell today." It was the most homely and disgusting couch I've ever seen. His frantic re-posting tempted me to email this person and say "your incessant re-posting makes you seem desperate and rather pathetic. Here is a hint: no one will purchase this couch - the only parlor it belongs to is in a garbage bin."

I know the beauty of craigslist is the democratic idea that anyone can put anything on craigslist, but it's becoming inundated with misleading blurbs and furniture that should be used as fire wood. Craigslist is in dire needs of a Craigslist Nazi, and I'm the perfect person for the job. I would love the power and prestige that comes with this job.

What do you do for a living?

Oh I'm the Craigslist Nazi.

Wow. That's you?

Yes

Also, I'm not afraid to say "No craigslist for you!"